Unpopular Opinion: Your Kids Don’t Need You to Be Calm, They Need You to Be Real.

Okay, I’m going to say something that might make you uncomfortable. It is an unpopular opinion, but I truly believe your kids don't need you to be calm all the time.

We have been lied to about what "good parenting" looks like.

We are told that a good parent is a Zen master who never yells, never snaps, and speaks in a gentle yoga voice even when the house is burning down.

But let’s pause and flip the script for a second.

Imagine you are at work. You make a mistake—maybe you delete a crucial file.

Your boss storms in, screams at you, turns red in the face, and shames you in front of the whole office.

Now, imagine ten minutes later, that same boss walks by your desk, drops a donut on your keyboard, and says: "Hey, want to grab lunch?"

He acts like the screaming never happened. He doesn't say sorry. He just expects you to move on because he bought you a donut.

Would you think, "Wow, what a great leader"?

No. You would think he is a toxic psychopath. You would be texting your partner: "I need to quit this job, my boss is unstable."

So here is the million-dollar question:

If we adults can’t tolerate that kind of behavior, why do we think it’s okay to do it to our kids?

Why do we think we can scream at them at 5 PM, and then just offer them ice cream at 6 PM without owning our mess?

We are so afraid that apologizing makes us look weak.

We think: "If I say sorry, I lose my authority."

Nonsense.

Refusing to apologize doesn't make you an authority figure. It makes you a hypocrite.

It teaches your child that power means never having to say you messed up.

So, let’s stop pretending we are robots.

You are going to yell. You are going to lose it. You are human.

But when you do, treat your child with the same respect you would want from that boss.

The fix is actually painfully simple.

Go to them. Get down on the floor. And say the words that most of us are terrified to say:

And please, for the love of God, leave out the "But".

"I'm sorry I yelled, BUT you..." is not an apology. It’s a gaslight.

Real authority isn't about being perfect.

It’s about showing your kids that even when things break, you are strong enough to repair the connection.

Your kids don't need a perfect parent. They just need an honest one.

Start there.